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Friday, January 28, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Ten Most Common Mistakes People Make When They Try to Get Their Ex Back
Ten Most Common Mistakes People Make When They Try to Get Their Ex Back - Avoid Them at All Costs
If you want to get back together with your ex and you've been looking online for ideas for any length of time, you've probably seen enough "things to do to win back your ex" articles and websites to last several lifetimes.
You're not - as you must have gathered from the title of this article - going to get that here.
Instead, you're going to read about the ten things that you SHOULD NOT DO if you hope to have any chance at winning back your ex.
This is a critically important subject because broken relationships are savable more times than you might think - provided that you don't make any of the mistakes that so many people commonly make when they're trying to get their ex back.
Okay, enough with the preamble. Let's get on with the list so you can get on with the process of winning back your ex
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #1 - Failing to Understand and Accept the Reasons Your Ex is Your Ex
This is where you need to start. There was a reason - or usually a number of reasons - that your ex broke things off with you. Face up to those reasons, spend some time getting an understanding of how they conspired to end your relationship, and accept your responsibility for them.
Most importantly, think hard about what you're prepared to do about them.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #2 - Not Giving Your Ex Time and Space
No matter how much you might want to see and talk to your ex right now - probably more than you ever did in the entire time the two of your were together - you have to give them time and space away from you.
As hard as it might be - and as much as you have convinced yourself that things could be worked out if only the two of you could "just talk" - you must not make any attempt to contact or see your ex for any reason.
If you do, two things are likely to happen:
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #3 - Dwelling on the Past
Leafing through old photos, listening to sad songs, and visiting places you and your ex used to visit is the shortest and surest route to forgetting all about the importance of giving your ex "time and space" and you'll soon break down and try to call or see him or her.
And if you combine any one of the above activities with alcohol, watch out. It is almost guaranteed that you will not only annoy your ex - if you call and your ex doesn't answer, alcohol increases the likelihood that you'll call back, again and again and again, by about 1,000%- but you will also very likely make a fool of yourself.
And that's pretty hard to recover from.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #4 - Letting Your Imagination Run Wild
No matter what your ex told you was the reason - or were the reasons - he or she broke things off with you, your imagination can take that reason, blow it to bits and pieces, and come up with a reason of its own.
And the reason that your imagination will come up with - more often than not - is that your ex met "someone else" even if that's the furthest thing from the truth.
Then your imagination will seek out - and find - "evidence" to support its conclusion and lead you down a pathway you shouldn't travel.
Remember mistake #1. You need to understand and accept the reasons your ex is your ex - and you need to accept them at face value.
If you let jealousy - borne of a runaway imagination - permeate your post-relationship "relationship," you're setting yourself up for total failure.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #5 - Doing Nothing to Better Yourself
While you might be perfectly fine just the way you are, the reality is that we can all use a little self-improvement from time to time. Especially when the person we love tells us that he or she no longer wants to be with us.
Can you think of a more perfect time or of better source of motivation to work on improving yourself - not only in the areas that disappointed your ex, but also in other areas where you aren't totally happy with yourself?
The added benefit of this "you time" is that it takes your mind off of your ex and also leads to opportunities to meet new people.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #6 - Thinking You Can "Convince" Your Ex That the Two of You Should Get Back Together
Too many people think that if their ex would only listen to reason, he or she would realize that the best thing to do would be to get back together.
The problem with this is that emotions aren't rational or logical. Your ex got into a relationship with you not because he or she reasoned that it was a smart decision. Your ex got into a relationship with you because he or she was swept away by totally irrational and illogical emotions.
Stop trying to be a salesperson with your ex. Emotions aren't used cars.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #7 - Misreading and Over-Reacting to Any Form of Contact From Your Ex
When your ex finally calls you (and it will happen), you have to make sure that you beat down the temptation to do the "blurt and gush." You know what I mean: you blurt out over and over again that you love him or her so, so much and you miss him or her so, so much and then you start gushing on about everything you've been thinking about and doing since the two of you have been apart - before your ex gets much of a chance to even say why he or she called.
When you do the "blurt and gush" you put out a message - on a subconscious level - that you are desperate and available. That takes away any advantage your ex may have been giving you by reaching out to you and puts it all back in his or her hands.
Make sure you don't blow a golden opportunity by falling into the "blurt and gush" trap. Keep your cool and let your ex do most of the talking.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #8 - Trying Harder in the Face of "Failure"
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. That might be good advice in many situations, but it isn't when you're trying to get your ex back because doing more of - or trying harder at - something that doesn't work just doesn't make sense.
First of all, don't see "failure" as failure. See it as feedback; feedback on what NOT to do (this list is a good start). Then stop doing it.
Second, don't try so hard. The "process" of getting back tougher with your ex shouldn't feel like an effort. It should feel easy and natural.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #9 - Taking the Advice of Your Friends and Family
Your family members and friends are, of course, wonderful people who want to support you through any trying times. And they're going to be on your side, of course, in this kind of a situation, which means that any advice they give you will be strongly biased in favour of you.
While support may feel good, you don't want to surround yourself with people whose words of support are filled with all of the things they think you want and need to hear.
You also don't need relationship advice from people who dispense it based on their own screwed-up relationship experiences.
What you need is straight talk from people who don't punches and who can put you on the pathway back to your ex.
The best way of dealing with friends and family members is to listen their advice, nod at the appropriate times, agree with what they're saying - and then forget all about it as soon as you can.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #10 - Failing to Get Independent, Objective, Expert Advice
If getting your ex back is really important to you, then you need to pull out the stops. This means that you have to go beyond just reading articles on the Internet about how to get your ex back and start taking action.
Taking action means that you have to invest some money into getting advice from an expert on the subject of relationship reconciliation; someone who's successfully put people on the pathway to reconciliation before - ideally many, many times.
I know that if you've gotten this far in the article, you're hurting - somewhere between "this hurts a lot" to "I can't bear the thought of going on without my ex in my life." And even though what you've learned in this article will help you by saving you from making mistakes, it doesn't tell you what to do to get back together with your ex. For more detailed information please see The Magic of Making Up
You're not - as you must have gathered from the title of this article - going to get that here.
Instead, you're going to read about the ten things that you SHOULD NOT DO if you hope to have any chance at winning back your ex.
This is a critically important subject because broken relationships are savable more times than you might think - provided that you don't make any of the mistakes that so many people commonly make when they're trying to get their ex back.
Okay, enough with the preamble. Let's get on with the list so you can get on with the process of winning back your ex
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #1 - Failing to Understand and Accept the Reasons Your Ex is Your Ex
This is where you need to start. There was a reason - or usually a number of reasons - that your ex broke things off with you. Face up to those reasons, spend some time getting an understanding of how they conspired to end your relationship, and accept your responsibility for them.
Most importantly, think hard about what you're prepared to do about them.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #2 - Not Giving Your Ex Time and Space
No matter how much you might want to see and talk to your ex right now - probably more than you ever did in the entire time the two of your were together - you have to give them time and space away from you.
As hard as it might be - and as much as you have convinced yourself that things could be worked out if only the two of you could "just talk" - you must not make any attempt to contact or see your ex for any reason.
If you do, two things are likely to happen:
- You will say or do something - or some things - that are counterproductive (in other words, stupid)
- Your ex will feel uncomfortable - and possibly angry - and will be less likely to want to talk to you in the near future
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #3 - Dwelling on the Past
Leafing through old photos, listening to sad songs, and visiting places you and your ex used to visit is the shortest and surest route to forgetting all about the importance of giving your ex "time and space" and you'll soon break down and try to call or see him or her.
And if you combine any one of the above activities with alcohol, watch out. It is almost guaranteed that you will not only annoy your ex - if you call and your ex doesn't answer, alcohol increases the likelihood that you'll call back, again and again and again, by about 1,000%- but you will also very likely make a fool of yourself.
And that's pretty hard to recover from.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #4 - Letting Your Imagination Run Wild
No matter what your ex told you was the reason - or were the reasons - he or she broke things off with you, your imagination can take that reason, blow it to bits and pieces, and come up with a reason of its own.
And the reason that your imagination will come up with - more often than not - is that your ex met "someone else" even if that's the furthest thing from the truth.
Then your imagination will seek out - and find - "evidence" to support its conclusion and lead you down a pathway you shouldn't travel.
Remember mistake #1. You need to understand and accept the reasons your ex is your ex - and you need to accept them at face value.
If you let jealousy - borne of a runaway imagination - permeate your post-relationship "relationship," you're setting yourself up for total failure.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #5 - Doing Nothing to Better Yourself
While you might be perfectly fine just the way you are, the reality is that we can all use a little self-improvement from time to time. Especially when the person we love tells us that he or she no longer wants to be with us.
Can you think of a more perfect time or of better source of motivation to work on improving yourself - not only in the areas that disappointed your ex, but also in other areas where you aren't totally happy with yourself?
The added benefit of this "you time" is that it takes your mind off of your ex and also leads to opportunities to meet new people.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #6 - Thinking You Can "Convince" Your Ex That the Two of You Should Get Back Together
Too many people think that if their ex would only listen to reason, he or she would realize that the best thing to do would be to get back together.
The problem with this is that emotions aren't rational or logical. Your ex got into a relationship with you not because he or she reasoned that it was a smart decision. Your ex got into a relationship with you because he or she was swept away by totally irrational and illogical emotions.
Stop trying to be a salesperson with your ex. Emotions aren't used cars.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #7 - Misreading and Over-Reacting to Any Form of Contact From Your Ex
When your ex finally calls you (and it will happen), you have to make sure that you beat down the temptation to do the "blurt and gush." You know what I mean: you blurt out over and over again that you love him or her so, so much and you miss him or her so, so much and then you start gushing on about everything you've been thinking about and doing since the two of you have been apart - before your ex gets much of a chance to even say why he or she called.
When you do the "blurt and gush" you put out a message - on a subconscious level - that you are desperate and available. That takes away any advantage your ex may have been giving you by reaching out to you and puts it all back in his or her hands.
Make sure you don't blow a golden opportunity by falling into the "blurt and gush" trap. Keep your cool and let your ex do most of the talking.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #8 - Trying Harder in the Face of "Failure"
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. That might be good advice in many situations, but it isn't when you're trying to get your ex back because doing more of - or trying harder at - something that doesn't work just doesn't make sense.
First of all, don't see "failure" as failure. See it as feedback; feedback on what NOT to do (this list is a good start). Then stop doing it.
Second, don't try so hard. The "process" of getting back tougher with your ex shouldn't feel like an effort. It should feel easy and natural.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #9 - Taking the Advice of Your Friends and Family
Your family members and friends are, of course, wonderful people who want to support you through any trying times. And they're going to be on your side, of course, in this kind of a situation, which means that any advice they give you will be strongly biased in favour of you.
While support may feel good, you don't want to surround yourself with people whose words of support are filled with all of the things they think you want and need to hear.
You also don't need relationship advice from people who dispense it based on their own screwed-up relationship experiences.
What you need is straight talk from people who don't punches and who can put you on the pathway back to your ex.
The best way of dealing with friends and family members is to listen their advice, nod at the appropriate times, agree with what they're saying - and then forget all about it as soon as you can.
Get Your Ex Back Mistake #10 - Failing to Get Independent, Objective, Expert Advice
If getting your ex back is really important to you, then you need to pull out the stops. This means that you have to go beyond just reading articles on the Internet about how to get your ex back and start taking action.
Taking action means that you have to invest some money into getting advice from an expert on the subject of relationship reconciliation; someone who's successfully put people on the pathway to reconciliation before - ideally many, many times.
I know that if you've gotten this far in the article, you're hurting - somewhere between "this hurts a lot" to "I can't bear the thought of going on without my ex in my life." And even though what you've learned in this article will help you by saving you from making mistakes, it doesn't tell you what to do to get back together with your ex. For more detailed information please see The Magic of Making Up
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